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6月20日 How Many Times Have I Heard "I Wanna Be Married"I had a dollar for every time I heard a man say "I Wanna Get Married" I would be rich. I would venture to guess that women are the same way. I don't understand it myself. I have said it to I must shamefully admit.
Perhaps I am fooling myself into thinking I really wanted to be married as well. However, I have a bad habit of pointing fingers at men and sometimes for good reason.
There are ways to tell if you yourself as a woman (if you are) if you really want to be married. There are also ways to tell if the man you are with wants to be married as well.
If he is willing to work out conflict with you and at least most of the time you get along then I would say you would have a pretty good go of it at marriage. Those good memories you develop will help you make it through the hard times when you have them.
However, if you or you partner seem to find every excuse in the book not to want to work it out you should question your motive for being married in the first place. "So you Say Ya Want to Get Married" can explain more regarding this phenomenon. It is an article written primarily for women but similar principles apply to men as well.
I know I drive a hard bargain while I date men. However, I didn't wait this long to get married just to settle myself. So if you were to ask me if I want to get married. My answer is only if I meet the right person. Until then I am living live to the fullest.
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6月17日 My Take on "Why Some Guys Marry Girls (And not Others)"My first reaction to the Why Guys Marry Some Girls (but Not Others) article posted on MSN Lifestyle was that of extreme defensiveness. I feel that I have bent over backwards to try to prove that I am just as exciting (in a good way) as the "bad girl" down the street.
However, I realize after further consideration that this article is not just about "good girl" versus "bad girl". Therefore, in response I have picked apart the points I agree with as well as the points I disagree with regarding this article. Hopefully this will provide a balanced insight from a woman's point of view.
My Personal Analysis of "Why Guys Marry Some Girls..."
6月16日 Comment on Whether Divorced People can be Single and HappyI just had recently read the Ask Lynn: Advice on Love Entry yesterday on MSN Dating & Personals regarding whether it is possible to be single and happy after a divorce. I have never been married, but have been in a few long term relationships so I can identify with some of this.
I Don't want to "Need" a Man (Off-Site Entry)
I have been actually working hard for quite awhile so that if I ever was married I would not "need" a man that desperately. I realize that scares men. However, women need to know that they feel secure in themselves if they are going to be happy in a relationship.
Gone are the days when abuse remains behind closed doors-well sort of. All I know is that I know I owe it to my future children to provide them with a happy and safe home. And I don't want to get married to the wrong person, for many of the same reasons divorced people do not.
Nobody wants to get their heart broken, and divorced people or people who have been in one or more long-term relationships that do not work out are fed up. They realize that they can be perfectly content being alone and that causes less headache.
I Agree: No Incentive Needed to be with a Man
Right now I am in the throes of my career, despite the fact that my biological clock is ticking away. Perhaps I watch too many romantic movies-or perhaps not enough. However, all I know is that I don't want my relationship with a man based on some "incentive" to be with him.
Men usually feel better about taking care of a woman...but I as a woman feel the best receiving that care when I know I can take care of myself. I do not want my personal relationship to be based upon need of any kind. It is then and only then that I can truly appreciate what a man has to offer to me.
I believe a relationship should be based on two people wanting to be together first. On love. Then, secondary it should be based upon the partnership.
I recently was challenged by this predicament. I realize for me I want love first and then partnership second. If it is just a partnership I want all I need to do is answer to or place a roommate ad.
See: Love and Money Is it possible to have Both? (Off-Site Entry)
It is Possible to be Content Alone
Contrary to popular myth and to romantic movies which I love to watch it is actually possible to be content being alone. If I am not in a relationship I often think of all the things I can do since that other person is not there. In fact, I must admit I like the single life a little too much in some ways-so much that I have delayed marriage.
I never realized when I was younger the pressure I would feel as a single when I am older. Automatically being single means that something is wrong with you. If that were true why are their so many unhappy marriages? Contentment is really the key-being content to be alone or content to be with someone.
My Conclusion: It is possible to be Divorced/Single and Be Happy
I believe it is possible to be single and/or divorced and single and to be happy. That does not mean people who do not want to be alone should not be looked down upon either. Everyone should be able to understand that whether single or married contentment is the key.
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This is a therapeutic, sarcastic blog for single women who have been in relationships, married, or however, and are now single. It is a mixed bag of entries that will both make you laugh and cry. Consider it a creative healing moment.
1月13日 Single Vs. Marriage as a Choice-Contentment as the Key Single Vs. Marriage as a Choice-Contentment as the Key Those that want to remain single are just as fine as singles, as married people are just as find as being married. Either way it is important for a person to be content. If a person is not content, they need to either work hard to change in themselves what will make it possible for them to be content-whether single or married. Questions to Ask Oneself Before Marriage Those who are contemplating marriage should ask themselves as many questions as possible, such as the following: Is it love? Do they see eye to eye? Do they have a stable healthy relationship based on trust? I firmly believe that if the answer is "no" to anyone of the above-displayed questions, then two people should not get married. They would be better off not committing to a situation that does not seem promising, and continue meeting new people and continue believing that the right person (or a right person) is out there. If Two People Love Each Other If two people are married because they want to be together and because they love each other I think they are justified in choosing to be married. If two people choose not to be married then that is okay too, in my opinion. If you are Contemplating Marriage In fact, it is wise for two people contemplating marriage to ask them selves questions regarding marriage itself and the person they plan to marry. I personally believe there would be quite a few more twenty-, thirty-and forty-something non-divorced singles out there if people would think more about the choice they are to make. That does not mean it is too late for those who have been divorced to find true love. This is just a matter of saying...speaking from a thirty-something single who is both proud to be single, and a little afraid of love...lol... An Additional Note about Single-hood and Marriage The one thing to remember though is not to let all these desires be all consuming and for a person who is single to be content being single and for those who are married to be content being married, and that neither group should put the other down. Instead, each group enjoy being single or enjoy being married. Furthermore, married and singles should whenever possible work on enjoying each other whenever possible, because they can learn from one another. I personally believe my life is much more fulfilled having both married and single friends. They both provide different types of support and also add to my life in different ways. See Also: 1月7日 Single People vs. Married PeopleSingle People vs. Married People-Who is Better Off?The ones who often appear by society to be sure of themselves and responsible are those people are those who go to work every day earn a paycheck, have a few kids own a nice house, and have a SPOUSE. Those who appear by society as being unsure of themselves and irresponsible are those that do not work a nine to five job, rent an apartment and are SINGLE. Which ones of these groups is really better off-married or single? That is the question, which is not very easy to answer, seeing how the "grass is always greener on the other side." Nevertheless, this blog is an attempt to examine this issue, from a single person's point of view. Who Really Is Better Off? Short Answer: No one is really better off. It is just a matter of personal preference. Long Answer: See below... It does not necessarily have to be about who is better off, but usually a matter of personal preference. Those who do not want to be alone are not wrong for wanting to be married, and meeting new people for them is not wrong. Likewise, those who do not want to be single are not wrong for wanting to stay single. The apostle Paul believed that it was better to be single (although some controversy regards this as well, because some people believe the apostle Paul was actually married). He felt as though those who are single can devote their time to the Lord and that they will not have as many fleshly troubles. However, he (St. Paul) makes it clear that it is okay to be married for those who want to be married. In fact, he also shuns those that say getting married is wrong-meaning that no one should deprive anyone the right to get married. Moreover, the right to want to be married should not be taken away from people as well. In other words, neither married people nor single people are the better of the two groups. There are a variety of reasons why people are single, and there are a variety of reasons why people are married as well. It is completely a matter of personal preference-to each his or her own, in my opinion.
1月6日 I Will Not Spiritualize My Singleness
I remember reading a book once when I was younger. In this book it said not to "spiritualize" your singleness. I thought about that for a long time, and to say honestly I agree.
Believe me...with all the marriages that have failed and that are failing...I definitely agree with that aspect. In fact, a single person who has more going for them will appear more attractive. However, there is one thing that I have not done and will refuse to do since I was in my early 20s.
I will not "spiritualize" my single-ness. What that means is that I am no longer going to just say....
"Oh I am just sitting back and waiting for that right one." Even if that is the major reason why I am not married, I am not going to announce that to everyone.
I am not going to spread around how supposedly proud I am to be single because being single is such as gift. It is true it is a gift, but going around boasting unnecessarily about it would be like the Pharisees who announce how good they are because they fast and pray in public.
Instead, I am just going to continue to better myself with the hope in mind that I will have that person I desire. I truly enjoy being single but believe me it is not a religion, and not for spiritual reasons. See Also: Being Single Won’t Get you to Heaven 1月4日 Being Single Won’t Get you to Heaven
There is something to be said to be content as a single person, but there is no need to make a religion out of it. Being single is not a ticket to heaven, but rather just a way of life here on earth that many people choose to live.
There doesn’t have to be some great mystical reason of the universe or some Divine reason why some people are single. It could be that God has not brought them the “right” person yet or it could be simply that they prefer to live alone and to have the freedom to make their own decisions.
Being single can be a gift, depending upon whether a person likes to be alone or not. However, there is no need to “insist” that being single is the “right” way to go because every person on this earth has different needs. As I said earlier, being single will not get you to heaven.
See Also: Your Life's Work-A Practical State of State of Single-mindedness |
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