When it comes to relationships, I think we lose something as adults that we had as teens. Now, I do not want to scare people who have teenage sons or daughters when I say this.

However, I just feel the need to be open and honest and just talk about things the way I see it.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say...

I remember how easy it was as a teenager to decide whether I wanted to be with someone or not. That when I had not much of a care in the world as far as not having the same kind of relationship “baggage” I do now.

What I mean is that when I was a teenager the concept of relationships seemed so simple to me. Now, I did not date very much in high school-only a few times and those relationships lasted an average of too weeks. There was one person though that I really did care about-the only person I really cared about-at that time. What I remember of that relationship and how it influenced me in various ways I have shared in my story.

My Story

I would think about a particular person I used to date in high school every so often especially when I was having struggles in my current relationships over the years. I often wondered why I thought about this individual even though I was only 15 and he was only 16 when we first got together. We of course are not together now for probably the same reasons most teenagers do not end up together.

I am not going to speak for him but I myself knew had a life to live. I wanted to achieve my dreams, I wanted to travel, and I wanted success. However, that does not refute fact that he was the one person at the time that meant the most to me besides my family. Also, he was one of the very few people in my life that new me for who I really was (for the most part anyway).

When I look back on that time in my life, I often feel sad. I feel like I lost not only someone very valuable but also the ability to just be comfortable in a relationship as I was then. What was different then for me? I have been thinking quite a bit about that time in my life lately, mostly because I have wanted to know what is so different now for me than then?

I wanted to know why it was so easy for me to decide who I do or do not want to be with then than it is now. However, in this I realize that my concentration should have not been so much on the "why" but rather the "what."

What it really was about that time in my life that is different from now, which is primarily two things:

• I was with a person that I knew cared about me, and aside from my family, friends, and career goals that is all that mattered to me.
• Since I was with someone that cared about me, I saw no need to meet anyone new. I also new I wanted to be with him. It was just that simple for me.

However, part of the problem with that simple thinking is that it was a little bit too black and white. I took it for granted that not everyone is like me or that not everyone thinks like me. It is not always that simple, and that thinking has gotten me into big trouble.

What I mean is at that time in my life I just assumed that if a person ends a relationship with someone that it just means that the person just does not want to be with the other. I assumed this regardless of the reason of the breakup, which I honestly did not know until years later.

Now, I should also add that on the other hand in most cases it is fair to assume that if someone breaks up with you that it does mean that the person does not want to be with you.

Likewise, most of the time I would say it is fair to assume you are doing right by just moving on and letting someone into your life that really does want to be with you. However, thinking back on my own life I can say that is not always that simple, as I have already mentioned.

In my case, I have at times in my life am also broke up with a person I had been with more than once. In this case, I did because I felt rejected by this particular individual-so rejected that it was hard for me to be around the person. That has nothing to do with how I felt about that person.

That is one example in which a breakup is not totally black and white and not totally based on whether I want to be with that individual or not. Therefore, as I got older I have perhaps gained more understanding.

Also, I should say that decisions such as whether or not to say with a person are the types of decisions that are not necessary right or wrong. Therefore, when these decisions need to be made it is not something that any individual should feel bad about.

Anyway...back to my point...

My original point of writing this was that I think that as adults we lose something that we had when we were younger. We often lose our ability to just make a decision about a relationship and stick with it. I know I have struggled with that for quite a few years.

Of course, on the surface it may seem that it is only because of all the fears of rejection as well as fear of loss or not being good enough that holds me back. Likewise, it may seem it is because of the fear of a relationship not working out-and spending too much time thinking about that. This of course is very valid and very true.

However, more than that it is because of what I have forgotten over the years. It also is about the simplicity of youth that is not as bad as people make it out to be. I am not saying that every young person should just settle down with the first person they ever cared about either.

I know that I for sure was not planning to mainly because of the reasons I already shared-that I wanted to take time to live my life. I also wanted to better myself, go to college, and a number of other things.

However, I could not help but at least wonder what would have happened if I had stayed with that person no matter how young we were. I also couldn't help but wonder how it would have turned out. This is all beside the point, though and still not the main reason for my writing this.

So...I suppose I should get to the point already, shouldn't I?

What I am really trying to say is...

With this person I speak of it was actually the only time in my life I was with someone simply because I wanted to be and for no other reason. I did not need a long list of reasons why or why not to stay with that person. I just felt a real connection with that person and I did not feel any reason to question it.

Now, of course life gets more complicated as we get older and we all grow up. However, I still miss the simplicity of those days that I think some adults should have but have lost (mostly speaking of myself). However, I miss the simplicity of how I was with a person "just because." Of course, it was also because we did have a lot in common and I never realized that until within the past year, but besides all of that I remember that the reason I was with that person was because I chose to be.

That is a fact that I will try to remember no matter what direction in life I go. It is the one thing that gives me hope and the one thing that causes me to not want to except anything less than that which I had already a long time ago.