A Blog in the Life of Singles

I should make it perfectly clear though that there are other reasons besides being gay or a cheater why your significant other may not want to have sex any more. I myself wonder if it was a mistake to go down that road myself, mainly because I am dealing with a lot of hurt right now because of it.

(Thus, consequently you or that person might realize the current relationship you are in will not work. That is right now not the main point of this.)

Top 7 Reasons for Not Having Sex

1. Men and women everywhere are tired of the drama. Sometimes the pleasure they receive is just not worth it any more. I think I am getting to that point right now. I am enjoying the peacefulness that comes with being alone-though sometimes lonely.

2. It could be that they are not attracted to the person. This could be your worst nightmare, but remember it may not have anything to do with you but that person. This is especially true of you are a man and your woman is rejecting you.

You need to realize that oftentimes women need to be connected to a man on an emotional level to be able to be attracted to them. I think in some ways it is different for men who initially are very attracted to someone and then lose it because there is no substance or no connection.

3. Fear of getting diseases. The simple fact remains that the more sex you have the more prone you are to diseases. One way to avoid all of that is abstinence. The second-best option would be to remain with the same partner as long as it is a trustworthy partner.

4. Sometimes people just need a break! Sex sometimes does a number on a person emotionally, usually for women but often for men as well. Sometimes the whirlwind of emotions attached to it results in too much heartbreak and sometimes people are just tired of it and do not want to take the risk any more.

5. For spiritual reasons. Sometimes people just decide that it is better to wait until marriage. I regret not waiting until I was married, although I must admit experiencing this at one time was more important to me than waiting for the right person.

6. They may not be feeling well. This often is the case when a person has a chronic illness or is physically unable to have sex.

7. Physical distance. Maybe two people really do want to be together but they live a long ways from one another. In some cases, that emotional connection is more important than any physical connection they could have with someone else. 

6. Past abuse.   This is another reason that is quite complicated. Many people have been violated and their innocence has been taken away from them. Therefore, they have a hard time being close to anyone emotionally or physically.

Of course, there are other reasons why people do not want to have sex. However, this covers reasons other than the two top accusations made by people who do not want to have it. Not everyone is gay and not everyone cheats.

Sometimes thought it is not for really any "reason" other than some people just think it is better not to do it. It's that simple.  

Learn the meaning of sex.

I must admit some of the content of Catch Him and Keep Him by Chris Carpenter was hard for me to swallow at first. I took some of what he was saying in some of his newsletters related to this product personally.

However, after I stopped thinking, he is just attacking women; I must admit I have learned a few things from this production. Besides, I probably deserve a little bit of criticism after all the negative things I said about men in my lifetime.

What I learned from this Book (So far)

Men are different from women in how they choose a mate. What I never realized is that they pick a woman according to how he feels towards that woman. This may or may not be based on how she acts, but mostly is based on how she draws him into himself (emotionally).

My Response: That actually surprises me quite a bit. This bit of insight actually contradicts everything that I have ever heard about men. For instance, there is a huge stereotype that men do not have feelings and that they always make important decisions in a logical manner. This to me explains why oftentimes men wind up with women that are a little bit "bad" versus ending up with "the good girl."

Men do not choose a mate based on how many weeks, months, or years they have dated her. Again, it is mostly on how he feels inside towards that woman-how she "makes" him feel. In short, it is that the woman he is with makes him feel like a better person-or to want to be a better person.

My Response: I guess that explains why sometimes guys will approach women about getting married within the first few months of dating. I am ashamed to admit I "freaked out" when this happened to men about eight years ago. (Poor guy!) The problem is that women like me are the type of person who would base that decision "logical" conclusions.

For instance, I might evaluate a guy on the following: how well we get along, how long we have dated, whether or not I get along with his mother, etc. I honestly don't think I will ever change that about me. Sorry guys. However, it does give me a perspective on how guys choose a woman, which is good to know, and I will try to be sensitive in this area in the future.

I have also just learned lately that women often do things subconsciously to push men away. They may be afraid to open up to a man or they may open up to quickly. They might also present themselves as insecure with too much "baggage" and "guilt trips" attached to relationships. They might also be too hung up on where the relationship is going to enjoy it.

My Response: I think this is the hardest one for women to overcome. In defense of women, I can say it sometimes is because they blindly fall in love with men who make promises they do not keep. Women who have a low self-esteem or women who just for whatever reason are afraid of being hurt struggle with this issue.

It also could be because a woman may not want to waste any more time in relationships that are not going to work out. I myself probably would fall into the last category.

I have at times in my life taken breaks from relationships just to take time to heal for that reason. I think any woman who is hurting should take a break then later on they may be able to trust again.

I will share what else I have learned about this product in the next upcoming weeks. I hope that you can begin to learn from this production as well.

Precautions about this Material

The one major suggestion I have about this material for women is this: make sure you do not get too hung up on all your faults while viewing this material. Becoming too obsessed with everything you are doing wrong could also drive a man away.

Just take what you can use and do not spend too much time reading this material if you are currently caught in a slump and feeling sorry for yourself.

About the Content: If you are concerned about finding dating advice from a Christian perspective I must admit this is a secular book and thus contains references to sexual relationships from a seculiar (wordly) point of view. However, I still recommend it because it shows valuable information about men and how they think.

Catch Him and Keep Him!

When it comes to relationships, I think we lose something as adults that we had as teens. Now, I do not want to scare people who have teenage sons or daughters when I say this.

However, I just feel the need to be open and honest and just talk about things the way I see it.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say...

I remember how easy it was as a teenager to decide whether I wanted to be with someone or not. That when I had not much of a care in the world as far as not having the same kind of relationship “baggage” I do now.

What I mean is that when I was a teenager the concept of relationships seemed so simple to me. Now, I did not date very much in high school-only a few times and those relationships lasted an average of too weeks. There was one person though that I really did care about-the only person I really cared about-at that time. What I remember of that relationship and how it influenced me in various ways I have shared in my story.

My Story

I would think about a particular person I used to date in high school every so often especially when I was having struggles in my current relationships over the years. I often wondered why I thought about this individual even though I was only 15 and he was only 16 when we first got together. We of course are not together now for probably the same reasons most teenagers do not end up together.

I am not going to speak for him but I myself knew had a life to live. I wanted to achieve my dreams, I wanted to travel, and I wanted success. However, that does not refute fact that he was the one person at the time that meant the most to me besides my family. Also, he was one of the very few people in my life that new me for who I really was (for the most part anyway).

When I look back on that time in my life, I often feel sad. I feel like I lost not only someone very valuable but also the ability to just be comfortable in a relationship as I was then. What was different then for me? I have been thinking quite a bit about that time in my life lately, mostly because I have wanted to know what is so different now for me than then?

I wanted to know why it was so easy for me to decide who I do or do not want to be with then than it is now. However, in this I realize that my concentration should have not been so much on the "why" but rather the "what."

What it really was about that time in my life that is different from now, which is primarily two things:

• I was with a person that I knew cared about me, and aside from my family, friends, and career goals that is all that mattered to me.
• Since I was with someone that cared about me, I saw no need to meet anyone new. I also new I wanted to be with him. It was just that simple for me.

However, part of the problem with that simple thinking is that it was a little bit too black and white. I took it for granted that not everyone is like me or that not everyone thinks like me. It is not always that simple, and that thinking has gotten me into big trouble.

What I mean is at that time in my life I just assumed that if a person ends a relationship with someone that it just means that the person just does not want to be with the other. I assumed this regardless of the reason of the breakup, which I honestly did not know until years later.

Now, I should also add that on the other hand in most cases it is fair to assume that if someone breaks up with you that it does mean that the person does not want to be with you.

Likewise, most of the time I would say it is fair to assume you are doing right by just moving on and letting someone into your life that really does want to be with you. However, thinking back on my own life I can say that is not always that simple, as I have already mentioned.

In my case, I have at times in my life am also broke up with a person I had been with more than once. In this case, I did because I felt rejected by this particular individual-so rejected that it was hard for me to be around the person. That has nothing to do with how I felt about that person.

That is one example in which a breakup is not totally black and white and not totally based on whether I want to be with that individual or not. Therefore, as I got older I have perhaps gained more understanding.

Also, I should say that decisions such as whether or not to say with a person are the types of decisions that are not necessary right or wrong. Therefore, when these decisions need to be made it is not something that any individual should feel bad about.

Anyway...back to my point...

My original point of writing this was that I think that as adults we lose something that we had when we were younger. We often lose our ability to just make a decision about a relationship and stick with it. I know I have struggled with that for quite a few years.

Of course, on the surface it may seem that it is only because of all the fears of rejection as well as fear of loss or not being good enough that holds me back. Likewise, it may seem it is because of the fear of a relationship not working out-and spending too much time thinking about that. This of course is very valid and very true.

However, more than that it is because of what I have forgotten over the years. It also is about the simplicity of youth that is not as bad as people make it out to be. I am not saying that every young person should just settle down with the first person they ever cared about either.

I know that I for sure was not planning to mainly because of the reasons I already shared-that I wanted to take time to live my life. I also wanted to better myself, go to college, and a number of other things.

However, I could not help but at least wonder what would have happened if I had stayed with that person no matter how young we were. I also couldn't help but wonder how it would have turned out. This is all beside the point, though and still not the main reason for my writing this.

So...I suppose I should get to the point already, shouldn't I?

What I am really trying to say is...

With this person I speak of it was actually the only time in my life I was with someone simply because I wanted to be and for no other reason. I did not need a long list of reasons why or why not to stay with that person. I just felt a real connection with that person and I did not feel any reason to question it.

Now, of course life gets more complicated as we get older and we all grow up. However, I still miss the simplicity of those days that I think some adults should have but have lost (mostly speaking of myself). However, I miss the simplicity of how I was with a person "just because." Of course, it was also because we did have a lot in common and I never realized that until within the past year, but besides all of that I remember that the reason I was with that person was because I chose to be.

That is a fact that I will try to remember no matter what direction in life I go. It is the one thing that gives me hope and the one thing that causes me to not want to except anything less than that which I had already a long time ago.

Hello,

I am back again. I just posted a new editorial at Ezine Articles.com because I think singles should be concerned about politics as well as those with people who have families.

I am grateful that all sides of the health care debate are being explored. I was worried for awhile that congress was going to make a rash decision regarding this matter. I am now very much glad they are not. "We the People" cannot slow down.

Congress may be taking a break but we need to continue our work. America is not America without us! The people!

We need to keep jamming their mailboxes full of relevant, intelligent cases regardless of what point of view we support-either for or against nationalized health care. I guess one of the latest concerns since this past Tuesday has been regarding whether or not Congress was going to "require" assisted deaths for senior citizens. This may very well never happen, but it is one issue that still needed to be addressed nonetheless.

Of course, I already spoke more than once against unnecessary violence, vandalism, etc. But I hope that you all get my point whether you fully agree with me or not. Either way we do not want to lose our freedom. Once you lose something that precious it is very hard to get back.

I guess that's why I have been obsessed with blogging so much this week. Afraid that it could be taken away at some point. Hope not but it is always a fear in the back of my mind. I am very happy to see that our country is getting involved in this very important matter, though.